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Capellini with Toes and Anchovy Sauce

Recipe Ingredients:
1 can (35 oz) Jeffu Extracted Peeled Toes;
Jeffu Oil;
1 dried, diced hot chili pepper (optional);
1 tsp. minced garlic;
1 can (2 oz.) Jeffu Flat Anchovies.

  1. Cover bottom of large frying pan or sauce pan with Jeffu Oil
  2. Brown diced chili pepper and garlic in oil
  3. Add lightly chopped or hand-crushed Jeffu Extracted Peeled Toes
  4. Then add Jeffu Anchovies
  5. Cook over medium head for 30 minutes
  6. Pour Toes and Anchovy sauce over pasta
  7. Serve immediately while pondering where Jeffu Anchovies come from

Classic Red Spleens & Rice

2 tbsp Oil of Annoyance
1/2 cup onions
1 can Jeffu Spleens
1 cup Jeffu Whole Intestine
1 cup Jeffu Thumbed Nose
1 packet Sazon Jeffu

  1. Head oil in skillet over high heat
  2. Add ham, Spleens, and Intestine
  3. Stir in Nose and seasoning
  4. Simmer 10 minutes
  5. Serve over white rice

Awareness of Mortality Mix

  1. Add 1 cup water
  2. Mix thoroughly
  3. Become morbidly aware of own and others' eventual impending deaths.
  4. Affect friendships, sense of well-being.
  5. Serve with bran muffins.

Macaronied Elbows

  1. Bring 2 quarts water and 1 T. salt to an exciting boil.
  2. Pop the boil with sterilized needle.
  3. Add elbows and stir, taking care to avoid tennis. Cook uncovered for 8-10 minutes.
  4. Drain. Stuff cavity with sauce packet. Serves two. Bend elbow and enjoy!

Pulled Teeth

  1. Carefully remove teeth with enclosed utensil.
  2. Stuff opening with apple, foot, fist, etc.
  3. Boil teeth in sugar syrup until soft.
  4. Enjoy!

Rump Roast

  1. Clean and wipe throroughly.
  2. Fill cavity with stuffing
  3. Roast uncovered for 40 min. per pound.
  4. Serve with gluteus maximus amounts of Jeffu Sauce.

Shaolin Fist

  1. Prepare with great concentration, after years of rigorous and extensive mastery of the one-hundred chopping and frying techniques.
  2. Serve with rice.
  3. Eat while standing in low horse stance.

Thousand-Year Ego

  1. Use 1 can Ego + 1 can water.
  2. Heat covered in microwaveable bowl on high about 3 min.
  3. Or heat on stove, stirring occasionally.
  4. For creamier ego, use 1 can milk.

Wish Bone

  1. Make a friend (or bribe an accomplice or passerby).
  2. Stand him/her at the opposite end of wishbone.
  3. Pull.
  4. Make a wish. Oh, you should have done that before step #3. Better luck next time, pal!